


You Are More Than Your Broken Pieces

by scrappylittlegleek



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fasting, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Gets a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Scars, Self Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:32:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappylittlegleek/pseuds/scrappylittlegleek
Summary: Lena is insecure about her body, Kara helps her work past it.Trigger warning- self-harm scars, mentions of fasting





	You Are More Than Your Broken Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> I hate my body and I guess this is how I'm coping with it.  
> This is kind of a vent fic so it's super unrevised and sloppy.

Everything had started out fine.

Lena had taken Kara out after work. They’d had dinner together, neither of them stopped smiling once. By the time they left the restaurant, Lena’s cheeks hurt from beaming so brightly, which of course, Kara found hilarious. She joked and laughed while she and Lena walked hand in hand across the National City boardwalk, talking about everything and nothing. And when it seemed like things couldn’t get better, Kara took Lena back to her apartment so the night wouldn’t have to end.

 

* * *

 

Kara straddled herself on top of Lena, kissing her passionately as she ran her fingers through Lena’s hair. Lena smiled against her, releasing a small moan. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to forget the world around her and lose herself in the feeling of Kara’s touch.

Kara traced her thumb against Lena’s collar bone and pressed a gentle kiss to her neck. Her hands worked their way across Lena’s body as Lena nodded, begging for her to continue before Kara could even ask if what she was doing was okay. She brought her hand up to Kara’s jawline and kissed her deeply.

Kara reached for the hem of Lena’s blouse, attempting to untuck it from her black skirt. She smiled as her fingers grazed against the skin on Lena’s abdomen. But even though the gesture was small, Lena instinctively tensed at the touch. She couldn’t help but suck her stomach in, ashamed of the body Kara was grazing. Lena slowly took her hands off her as if to retreat within herself without actually moving away from Kara. She could feel her muscles tighten in fear, not of Kara, but of herself.

Her cheeks flushed bright pink as she looked down at her lap. Her palms were beginning to sweat and she couldn’t bring herself to look at Kara, who had untangled their legs and was now sitting next to her on the edge of the bed.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours. Lena tried to work up the courage to say or do anything. But she was so filled with anger and disappointment at herself for messing everything up that she couldn’t find it in her to speak. Kara, on the other hand, was bursting to say something. She wanted to wrap Lena in a hug and apologize for upsetting her. She wanted to make it all better with the wave of her hand. But she knew it didn’t work that way, and trying to get Lena to talk wouldn’t get them anywhere.

So they sat in silence until eventually, Lena spoke up.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could manage; her voice small and timid.

She chewed on the inside of her lip, wishing she could crawl under the covers and hide. She wanted to run away and never look back. She was swallowed in shame, wrapped in a tornado of self despisement.

Why did she have to screw it up?

Especially when been having such a great time together. When they’d gone out to dinner at that fancy restaurant, Lena had made Kara crazy by gently kicking her under the table. They’d laughed and joked until the other customers gave them weird glances which only made them laugh more. Then they’d walked through National City together, in awe of all the lights and how beautiful the city was at night before coming back to Kara’s apartment hand in hand. It had been perfect. In fact, it was perfect until the very moment Lena had pulled away from Kara.

“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin it.”

Lena sheepishly folded her arms over her stomach and internally scolded herself for being so-- just so _Lena._ It was so like her to pull away during an intimate moment like this. To ruin something so special, so pure. Kara was good, she would never hurt or judge her. It was so typical of her to shy away when there wasn’t even a real problem. It was what she did. Of course, Lena ruined it. She ruined everything.

“Lena, you don’t need to apologize,” Kara said softly. “What’s wrong, did I do something?”

Lena shook her head, still refusing to meet Kara’s eyes. “No-- I-- it wasn’t you, you were fine… you were perfect.”

Kara nodded and bit her lip, unsure of what to say. So she didn’t say anything. She just hoped when the time came, Lena would feel comfortable telling her what had happened. Even if that moment wasn’t now, or even today.

“I just… it’s really stupid,” Lena said and laughed at herself.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not.”

Lena drew in a breath and slowly lifted her head to look at Kara. But as soon as she saw her, Lena wanted to hide away in a closet and cry. Kara was so sympathetic, so understanding. And here she was, making a fool out of herself because she couldn’t stand the sight of her own body.

Lena balled her hands up into fists, pinching herself with all the force she had in her. It was such a silly thing to be upset over. It was so trivial. And yet now she was on the verge of tears, simply because Kara had attempted to lift her shirt.

“I’m sorry, it’s really nothing I just--” Lena closed her eyes and sighed.

“I… I’m not-- I don’t have abs like you do, I-- I’m not skinny and pretty like the women who flirt with you are,” she began. “And I-- I’ve done so much to try and fix it but nothing works.”

“Lena you don’t need to fix the way you look, you’re beautiful the way you are.”

Lena looked down at her hands and tried to find the right words to explain exactly what it was she was feeling. It wasn’t like she could just tell Kara how ashamed she felt when she looked in the mirror, or how when she wore tight clothing she truly believed she looked like a monster. There was no way she could admit out loud that she’d starved herself in high school because she held out so much hope that maybe if she were skinny, she would be happier.

She let out a frustrated huff when she realized there was no way she could honestly tell Kara what it was without sounding like some sort of freak.

“When I was younger Lillian would put me on all these diets so I’d look more presentable, but they never did anything,” she admitted shamefully.

Kara drew in a breath and internally cursed Lillian for treating Lena so terribly growing up. It wasn’t even surprising anymore when Lena brought up the little torturous things Lillian would do to her throughout her childhood. They were so awful but so normal. Hearing Lena bring her up again only added to the disgusting feeling in the pit of her stomach Kara got when she thought about Lillian.

“She had no right to do that.”

Lena gave a weak shrug. “It’s not the worst thing she’s done. Honestly, I wish she’d tried a little harder when it came to my weight.”

“Lena, you are perfect, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And you didn’t need some screwed up diet enforced by your sociopathic mother” Kara said softly. “I fell in love with you because you are a kind-hearted, beautiful soul. Because you are gracious and caring and you light up the people around you. There is nothing-- and I mean _nothing_ that I would change about you.”

Lena bit her lip. “I just feel so disgusting.”

Kara sighed. “You’re not disgusting, Lena. You’re a wonderful person and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. Because you are so incredible, you would be incredible even if you weren’t beautiful. And yes, I love your body and I think you’re utterly gorgeous but I would still feel the same way if you weren’t thin.”

Lena looked up at Kara with eyes full of tears.

“I fell in love with you and who you are far before I fell in love with your body,” Kara said firmly yet lovingly. She took Lena’s hands in her own and gave them a squeeze. And only once she was sure it was okay with Lena, did she pull her close and drape her arm over Lena’s shoulder.

“It’s not just that, it--” Lena paused, her voice breaking. “I have scars on my legs that no one’s seen and they-- they’re so ugly and-- I don’t want you t- to see me and s- stop loving me. I don’t want to scare you away.”

Kara shook her head. “Lena, you could never scare me away,” she whispered.

Lena closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat as the tears that filled her eyes to the brim began to spill.

“Your scars mean that you’ve made it, they mean you’re still here,” Kara said. “I would never _ever_ have a problem with you having them... unless of course, you… you know.”

“No-- I wouldn’t, not anymore, you don’t need to worry,” Lena said with a reassuring yet sad smile.

Kara nodded. “Good.”

She pulled Lena closer to her and rested her head on top of Lena’s mop of brown hair. She used the pad of her thumb to wipe the tears from Lena’s cheeks. Lena intuitively held her breath, the gesture though small still made her overcome with emotions she couldn't quite name.

It was like a wall of shame had crumbled on top of her, leaving her broken and bruised in the rubble. And every time she tried to move a piece of the despair and self-loathing, more bricks just seemed to add to the pile until eventually, she was completely covered. She was being suffocated by the inner chambers of her own mind, strangled with her own hands.

She wanted to say something. She wanted to apologize for ruining the night or crying to Kara. Part of her wanted to cry even more, even though she knew she would only end up hating herself for being so weak. But she couldn’t bring herself to make a sound. She was paralyzed beneath the rubble.

“I love your eyes and how they sparkle in the sun, I love that thing you do with your eyebrow,” Kara began, completely unprompted.

A hand, reaching to pull Lena out from the ruins and guide her to the light.

“I love your smile and how your nose bunches up when you laugh. I love that face you make when you’re trying not to smile, because you know it’s inappropriate. And how red you get when you blush, especially when I compliment you and you get all flustered, that's my favorite,” Kara continued.

“I love your hands and when we link pinkies, and of course, you _know_ how much I love your boobs.”

Heat rushed to Lena’s cheeks as she attempted to force back her chuckle at Kara’s statement.

“See, there’s the blush and the smile I love so much,” Kara said with a laugh, which made Lena smile even more.

“I love your stomach and how soft you feel when I hug you. You always make me feel so safe and wanted,” Kara continued. “And I love your thighs and your legs and if you have stretch marks, I will love them too.”

Lena looked up at Kara, her eyes filled with tears once more. Only this time, they weren’t the kind of tears that stung when she cried. They were tears from seeing Kara slowly but surely chip away the chains around her ankles that held her down. They were from being blinded by what she saw when her vision wasn’t clouded by the hatred for herself that filled her body. For once, it was a feeling of hope and reassurance that she had someone who could love her, even when loving herself seemed unfathomable.

“I love you, I love all of you because you are so wonderful and I am so lucky to have you in my life,” Kara finished; and Lena could tell she meant every word.

“If you couldn’t tell, I love you so _so_ much, Lena Luthor.”

“I love you too, Kara Danvers.”

Just like that, Lena could feel the bricks being pulled off her chest and the weight being lifted off her shoulders. And she knew there was hope yet that she would make it out alive.

**Author's Note:**

> National Eating Disorders Association Helpline: 1-800-931-2237


End file.
